Your Child's Operational System

Today we went to a waterpark, and my four-year-old son was so excited to go. It was the first day it opened, and the kids' area was full of strangers. My son is very shy and reserved. Most people really don't know much about my son because he doesn't talk much with people he doesn't feel comfortable with. So, I knew that this might be a struggle for him.

He wanted to go on a waterslide, but I told him I would just watch him from below. He would only go if I went with him, but then he saw my husband and walked over to him. There was a lot of water being dumped all over the play area, and he was overstimulated. He just cried in my husband's arms, and my husband carried both of my kids to our loungers. He kept talking about how he was cold and that he just wanted to be warm.

We got some lunch, and we sat in the loungers where it was a little quieter and less chaotic. He sat in the stroller, and my husband put the shade up. My husband mentioned that he needed some time to recharge. I nodded, and I just watched him sit in the stroller, almost hiding from the crowd.

We ended up going to another part of the park, and we went around the lazy river. There were other people around, but we didn't try to encourage him to interact with other kids. We just floated around a couple of times, and he seemed very relaxed and happy.

I write about this experience because I think it is hard to learn and work with your child's needs. Every kid comes with their own needs, and they often can't vocalize them.

When my son was crying because he was cold and didn't want to go down the slide alone, I think he was mainly saying that he was overstimulated, afraid, and unsure of how to act in this new situation.

My husband and I are both extroverts, and we both love meeting new people and being around others. This can be hard for me because I try to encourage him to interact with kids in the same way that I would. I try to give him confidence that he can talk to new kids and that new places with crowds are not something to be scared of.

But the fact of the matter is that his personality is not like mine or my husband's. He walks into a park and tells me that there are too many kids and that he wants to go home or go to another park. Sometimes we can work through it, and he can become more comfortable. But I am learning his operating system.

Everyone has their own operating system, and as adults, sometimes we can verbalize what works for us in the way we interact with the world and ideas. Children are interacting with new ideas, people, and things every day. Their operating system is being developed on a daily, hourly, and sometimes minute-by-minute basis.

Sometimes I wish my son was the outgoing one who would just go play with a new kid at the park without me encouraging him, which is more like my daughter's personality. Preschool drop-off was hard for the first two months. He would cry about going to preschool because he was away from me, his emotional security blanket. I watched other kids get dropped off, and I wondered if he would ever be like them. Would he ever just walk into the room and be okay without me?

He did get to that point, and he now loves preschool.

But my son is not that personality, and I'm learning how to help him navigate the world with his own personality. He is a kind and caring boy. He is extremely observant and notices and remembers the small details. Learning the good things about his shy and reserved side helps me better appreciate his operating system.