When the Park is Too Much

 This one might feel like a repeat, but I feel like I need to emotionally release some of my reaction from today. My blog has somewhat become that, but today was frustrating, difficult and sad. Not the whole day, but I just had a hard time with my four year old. He wanted my attention during nap time, and I needed to make dinner and shower. We had our time together, and then he was good with having his independent quiet time. 

We went to the park, and I was excited to talk with a friend. The park didn't have that many kids there, so I was excited for him to have a play date with his friend. But then another friend showed up, and his friend wanted to play with her. He then didn't feel comfortable, and I could tell he wasn't feeling the park. 

I got him distracted with the toys he brought, and he was jumping on his rocket. It was nice, the toddlers were eating the goldfish, and the older kids were playing in the park. Then, a group of kids showed up, and I think my son at that point was just overstimulated once again. New kids who wanted to play with his rocket. He did pretty well for a while, but he turned into a "wired mode". He was kicking his sister and whacking her diaper. I tried to talk to him, and tell him he needed to stop or he would lose his gaming time with his dad. 

It didn't work. 

I felt frustrated. Other kids were just playing well together at the park, and the parents were just chatting. I wanted to just have adult conversations, but I was trying to figure out how to help my son. I gave up on having adult conversations, and I took my son for a break. 

We sat on the bench, and I told him that he needed to calm his body and we would just relax on the bench. We took a 4 minute break, and I just had my arm around him. We talked about having a safe body, and how harming others was not allowed at any time. 

After the break, the hitting/kicking was over. He joined the other kids on the climbing gym, and then he repeated how he wanted to go home. I gave him a couple minutes until we left, and we came home. 

I felt defeated. 

Other kids seemed to play in a cohesive way. They would make up games, and they seemed to enjoy their play. Why couldn't he join in? 

I asked him, "did you feel uncomfortable at the park?"

He nodded. "There were too many kids and I wanted to go home". 

I felt bad for thinking my son was defiant. After some reading, I realized that his nervous system was once again over stimulated. The what I called "wired mode" is when he couldn't handle anymore. He needed chill time away from the noise. 

I told him once again that hitting was not an option, but taking a break is always an option. He can stand by me, and he can find a quiet area of the park. I can be his safe place when he needs his nervous system to reset. 

I want to be the parent who can just talk with my friends at the park. I want my son to feel comfortable making friends. 

Trying to get rid of this extroversion expectation for my son can be difficult. I can't just tell him to go play with a big group of kids he doesn't know. Maybe he will eventually, but he has to learn now how to navigate social situations now. 

Maybe my son doesn’t need me to teach him how to become the loudest or outgoing kid at the park. Maybe he just needs help learning how to listen to his body, take breaks when he feels overwhelmed, and feel safe enough to come back when he’s ready.

And maybe I’m learning that being his safe place matters more than him fitting in perfectly.