The Evolution of Love

It’s Valentine’s Day, and with two kids four and under, Valentine’s Day looks different.

It was preschool valentines, and crafting. Coordinating a babysitter so we could eat one meal without interruptions. And then, after all of that, sitting on the couch cuddling watching the Olympics.

Romantic? Maybe not in the traditional sense. There were no big flower bouquets and no big fancy gestures. 

But our date night was actually great. I savored the food. We talked, and actually really talked about things we want to do as a couple. It seems like the usual is logistics about the kids. Most nights, our conversations revolve around who’s doing the diaper change, who’s bathing, and who is on clean up duty.

It felt grounding to just be us. 

And it made me realize something about the evolution of marriage.

When we first got married, I thought I understood love. Love was counting down the hours until we didn’t have to say goodbye anymore. We dated somewhat long distance, and I remember the joy of knowing I wouldn’t have to drive two hours just to see him.

As a pregnant new mom, love was him taking out the trash because the smell made me sick.

As brand-new parents, love was sitting on the couch staring at photos of our baby, amazed that we had created someone so perfect.

But now?

Now love looks different.

It looks like sacrifice.
It looks like shared exhaustion.
It looks like choosing each other in the middle of chaos.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped valuing grand gestures and started valuing help. Partnership. Acts of service. The quiet “I’ve got this” when one of us is running on empty.

I didn’t know this version of love when we got married.

But this love (the deeper, steadier, sacrificial kind), is richer than I ever imagined.

And maybe that’s what Valentine’s Day really becomes in this season.

A train ride with our kids. A unplanned pizza lunch with our kids running around us, and a life full of beautiful chaos.